The following is a list of common pitfalls that friends of those with GAD make, designed to help you avoid them. It can also be used in conjunction with the previous article on things you can do to help.
1. Don’t Say “Stop Worrying About It”
One of the first impulses that helping friends have is to be protective of their anxious friend and try to take away their anxiety. Saying things like “it’s nothing to worry about," “stop worrying," or “it’s really not a big deal” often come off as patronizing and unsupportive. The person with GAD usually recognizes on some level that the worrying is stronger than it should be, but stopping it seems very hard.Alternative: As a friend, try saying and asking things like “how can I be helpful?,” “it’s OK, I’m here with you,” and “it sounds like this is really hard for you” instead.
2. Don’t Solve Problems
After trying to take away anxiety and failing, many people switch into “problem-solving mode." This is when a friend will attempt to constructively solve or remedy the stressful situation with or for their friend.Although occasionally this can be helpful, often it misses the mark on what could be most helpful, which is being emotionally supportive. Just because someone has GAD does not mean that they aren’t intelligent enough to solve their own dilemmas, and the time spent trying to reduce anxiety via problem-solving ends up being wasted.
Alternative: Try taking a perspective that if you can be supportive and patient, your presence and understanding can often allow your friend to relax and work their the problems himself.
3. Don’t Over-Function
When both of the above fail, some friends and family members will attempt to “over-function” as supports, where they begin to virtually take on some of their friend’s problems and center their lives on being helpers. Whereas occasionally this can be necessary, in large doses it can foster dependence and can begin to take an emotional toll on the helping friend. Another way this occurs is when a friend essentially takes on a therapist role and attempts to treat the person.Alternative: Encourage the person to get help for GAD, and work collaboratively to manage problems and anxiety with the person when she wants to, not every time you feel the need to.
4. Don’t Lose Your Patience
Finally, it is easy for people who use any of the above mentioned tactics to lose patience with their friend. GAD is a battle that some people will fight for many years, and simply solving the latest dilemma is unlikely to change a greater underlying problem.Alternative: Remain conscious of your role as a supportive friend, understand that your friend may be a “worrier” for a significant period of time, and make sure you utilize your own support system to avoid becoming stressed yourself.
